I’m quite caught up with where you’ve been

All of your stories on Instagram keeping me notice of how your life is all that interesting

Well, I saw you in my dreams, again

And as you laid down beside me, I said 

“Long time, no see”

And even then, I could rest assured your pleasing stopover is a tease

Winsomeness so loyal to the real thing that I thought I woke to another dream

And it feels like dying, the painless pinch, which would tell the travesty of the world from my sleep

With eyes wide shut tight let truly slide all which doesn’t count

Sunk, seeking light, left to decide how to handle out everything

Packed steam that wouldn’t die even after we fell upon end

In the back of my mind it had remained

Ought to have looked out and now I am only out to carry it all

It’s me, who causes the fuss when on it

It’s me, who keeps on provoking the problems

It’s you, who can repair the way in which I do things and regret them later

It’s me, who causes the fuss when on it

It’s me, who keeps on provoking the problems

It’s you, who can repair the way in which I do things, yeah

I hope this song can indulge my infatuation 

Been stationary and idle for most of my generation

Impatient and undecided with what I am going to do next

But, truth is, all those things I said that I was going to do ain’t doing themselves yet

Undenied egocentric 

With every step leading me nowhere

Fair

Fact is a hack of accidental anxiety aching

All the longing delayed

You can rely on me bringing ruin whether things are going wrong or for the better

Feeling unattainable and stringed in

All my fears gripped and tucked in with enough of never addition in the nerve of getting me out of my safe space to face them

Wasted whenever I’m awake

I got it measured on a regular basis

I laced in my position so benevolent 

To wreak havoc, got it weighed upon my back

And now I get it

I know what you’re thinking

But I’m not part of the problem

Only what we do or keep from doing that is real, honey

Everything else pretends to be

Fooling myself in all the ways you want me to hide deep in my identity

Feeling apart from deciding the way of life to lead

Facing the light of your mistakes

Fuck feeling looked after now

And hope your heart is caring for you

I don’t know how to be still

I don’t know how to know why

And right then, I cave in 

And I have been sufficed for so much time, it’s contagious

I feel alive and rotten, but still alive

You go ahead and turn back on me again

I can taste it

Every second of silence and sin

And it is such a waste, to think you were starting to almost convince me of some pretty dumb things

Like figuring out love

It’s just something I never did

And figuring out mine to myself and know who I am

When every other day is done and I am down and can never figure out what’s mistaken

Or even what this is about

I don’t know how to be still

I don’t know how to know why

I don’t know how to go by

When everything is about you

Everything I’m without

You think I’m blind and unwilling to get myself to know

Although I kind of eat

Although I kind of sleep

Although I kind of think I’m with nowhere else to go, I think that I can stay alive

But right then, I cave in

Whoah, honey, there’s just something I can never be without, you know

It’s such a wonderful taste that your lips give to my lips

And everything’s wasted when I’ve something else thought to be coming with

Someone I’m not, but I’m still pretending

And none of this ends, cause tomorrow is just yesterday dressed like a whore

And before I can take it, I know you can’t take it

But truth is I’ve never felt so f- in love as before 

But this is just another forward for what I’m thinking

It is all before it is enough

I don’t know how to be still

I don’t know how to know why

I don’t know how to go by

When everything is about you

Everything I’m without

You think I’m blind and unwilling to get myself to know

Although I kind of eat

Although I kind of sleep

Although I kind of think I’m with nowhere else to go, I think that I can stay alive

But right then, I cave in

Hold up your love for her and hide another day

Tell her you like the way she makes you feel, yeah

Whose turn is it now for you to find a complication and fool your friends about all day and all evening long?

All so excited

If you want to remind her that you care, then please don’t spare the time

Or you’ll be pushing it aside until life is just something else you hate

The only bottom line is… well, somewhere else but still

Someday you’ll find it

 I will find it, too, but until then

I am feeling fine like it is Christmas time

I am feeling free like a Christmas tree

If you want a reminder that you care, then, please, don’t spare the time

Or you’ll be pushing it aside until life is just something else you hide in

The only bottom line is… well, somewhere else, but still

All so excited

All day I do

I’ll do be done

Also be tired

If you want a reminder that you care, then, please, don’t spare it all

Pushing it aside until life is just something else you crawl on

The only bottom line is… Well, something else, but still

Someday you’ll find it

I will find it, too, but until then

I am feeling fine like it is Christmas time

I am feeling free like a Christmas tree

I feel as high as the Christmas skies

I’m feeling cold as the Holiday season

Now don’t you dare to drag me down

I feel alone and it has always been like this

Take possession of my brain and make as many experiments with it as you feel are needed

Until my thoughts are superseded by the current negativity you fire when I try connecting you to me

(Ooh, it’s like love is for granted)

I want this battery to pump

(Ooh, and you’ve got it counted to give)

I’ve got enough of me to burn some, but baby

(Ooh, shouldn’t love be flowing like in a circuit?)

No cover story can oppose

(Ooh, no force is electromotive)

How you corrode me

How you can hardly see how you disguise that you’re sucking dry me

(Ooh, wasn’t there a spark in between?)

And not in the fun way

My charge was only ever fading, now I’m acting up to start

Because your stubborn troubled mind is too proud to cede

Baby, can’t you see you’re tearing me apart?

How you corrode me?

How I am too naïve to cease?

And how you are blind to how I am in love with you?

(Ooh, wasn’t there a spark in between?)

How you can’t love back?

Stupid bars bar the capable, lucid, young and insatiable

Bound down, but still around

Hand-me-down material couldn’t shake us out of the race or slow us down

Down on our favorite ground

Forming gangs rising up strong

Forming gangs writing love songs

Way waned and insane by the pain of the daylong endeavour

All that they want to do is play

Play our concerns away

Taking shots, chasing pursuits

Feel apart and find a spot for you

Overpower what you can’t say, can’t sing, can’t sigh, can’t be, can’t delay

We’ll be out of here in no time, timing

Stubborn hunger and unrest coveted like a contest

We’re here, they are there

They’re not sharing anymore carelessness, or they’ll be x-ed out of their heads

So they still stand a chance

Every voice tells a story

Fascinating or foreseen

Greenhorns, amateurs, players for the hookers on their fingers

Barely beginners, but their chime is still way bigger than I am

Feeling rushes and harsh dreams

If you still can’t sing, you might scream

Taste the daze of the springtide

Outburst, outgun, rout the beaming night

We will come out as number one first

It wasn’t in vain, that something that had run my brain and carefully stung me reckless

And before I knew reached us, that something that we last impasse chose

So come on and fire out your dark side, isn’t that part of life?

Dead lines, dead dreams, dead ends? Done accomplishments behind

Ooh, I won’t keep grinding out

I turn, you spin and lose, darling

Then, could I begin again?

Clean and tranced around an endless dream of leaving

Feeling in between

The fun and the meaningful

Hopes up just to crash in this bleaky plight of feeling dim the light

Ooh, I’m down and halfway out, but in alike with you, darling

I can say I wish I didn’t stay serving the fervor from my veins

That takes me where I long to be

Ooh, see how our lives are less than disagreeing

You’ll be fine, I guess in time we’ll be the same

Savoring all our dismal failings

She surely got me good

That’s not her name, just me being sly, or trying to

Gloom around this room

Finished every change I tried to begin with

A tour in every spin I’ve been through as an alien child grown adult

Quite a few of them happening in random manifestations of memories

I’ll forget how embarrassing they were

Don’t expect it to go wrong

More than everything will go, too

So set aside the importance

The glamour and ephemerous pride

Put aside your shy skin

Feeling love, and that’s alright

Don’t expect it to go wrong

More than everything will go, too

Take it easy, take it slow

And if you need me, I can go there with you

I want to let you kill me

I want to see your face when your teeth are sinking in

Climb up onto my skin and breathe in

Fold me up with your legs and your bones

Tie me up to a pedestal and stomp over me

If all else f-f-f-fails, then get a grip

Get a really good grip

Fetch your money and your cars and your clothes and all those fucking disposable friendships, who weren’t there when you needed them to take you apart

If you think you can party, they can talk about themselves and their manic addictions

They all claim to be so f-f-f-frail, but I am too

And, honey, I don’t know why I am getting to know what it is like for the first time

It’s so much to get gone by

It’s tough to decide and I’m finding it hard that the love that you get from life

I’m getting to know what it is like for the first time

I want to let you kill me

I want to rip off the mask that you wear when you dream

Fire under a bed, but no fucking

Lay me over the sheets and weep

Crawling onto my knees begging face up with a cut-open throat

Flay me into giving control

Slay me before my self-loathing

Hate me cause I don’t hate loving you

Suck on all of the blood and the burn

Murder every ounce of my suffering

Hate me cause I don’t hate loving you

The odds were alright

But the type of loving was so wrong, I should have minded

I wanted you to call me over for a pint and talk it all

But, then again, nothing I can ever want will be the same for you

And being someone else’s plaything, I’m used to

I wonder for how long all is gone, even her love

All is gone even

But, what is about her way that Sunday night comes and I’m still thinking of us two?

The winter is growing long and, you were right, it never might end

So, how could I ever forgive you?

You misused every sentiment I used

All is gone, even her love

All is gone even

But what is it about her way that sullies my only kind of loving?

I know the winter is growing long and, you were right, it never might end

So, why should I ever forgive you?

You misused every sentiment I used

All is gone, even her love

All is gone even

Truth is, it doesn’t matter what I do

I can’t escape from the misuse

Could fall apart in any hour

Could vanish all the power that I still have control of

Wondering why my self-destruction seems so near me

Wish I could take you with me, too

I fantasize about it

Go ahead, nobody cares, just do it

I hate all of my choices and my fate feels like it’s less than average

Maybe, if I behaved you’d let me go

Instead, depression rapes me

I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done

I’m dedicating my next song to forgetting every thought I think

I don’t deserve compassion

Go ahead, nobody cares, just do it

Fix all of your lifetime fuckups, just do it

Just do it

Disposed of all of my worries on the air

While wondering around the whereas hopeless people care to come by nothing but fun

The night had just begun to blare, build up and declare the moon is high enough to glare, heat up and ensnare these lonely thrown out hearts

And pay their loneness off

Oh yeah, my heart’s been broken, but I don’t care

Oh yeah, my heed is inside me, but I am not there

And I like it here, where the crowd comes to empty their distress

And every now and then we dance

Glance at the sex

Until any limit is found, we won’t know where we are wound to

With both feet off the ground

Oh yeah, my heart’s been broken, but I don’t care

Oh yeah, my heed is inside me, but I am not there

And I like it here

When we’re stirred up, wired and turned on

Tired of love, but into a love-like feeling

Well, I am so inclined to be your standby

I am alive, I don’t need no meanings

No excuses, momentary amusement is all we need to loosen up the music

Recovered all of my worries from the air

And briefly they seemed light

So I think that was worth the time, oh yeah

Be yourself, my queen

I’m sure you would do the best you could

Mild on moderation, but still, a bleeding hell of a queen

I hope you know that I love you so, hail thy jurisdiction

So give them hell, my queen

You can be mad and you can be mean

Same as you’ve always been

But, most of the time, I think you know that I love you so

I’ll never abandon my queen

Just most of the time, I wish you well and I wish you good

You suffer now, just as much you should

But, still, just most of the time

And when the dark darkens a little light’s heart is given life again

And when the dark darkens a little light’s heart is given life again

Fear the tide is washing the wistful iron thoughts of the desolate

So, even now, my queen

You make me laugh and you make me good

All things the way as they should be

Just, most of the time, I wish you would, yeah

I wish you would never again be my queen

Ain’t no use in mourning on an over fact that we tend to be often in

When the clutches of this city blunder, they bleakly eat alive the careless

Left behind to strain their impending lives in chains

And I get no feeling of hope that ain’t an illusion

And I’ve nowhere to call home that is where I’d like home to be

This moaning heart is growing far too tired to believe that there’s any point left in striving

I’ve been trying so hard to shake these blues away and face ahead

Instead of saving scars, you better start to get on with that and play a rather mean guitar, today

Ain’t no use in packing it in, though it seems to be easier so

Or else all that will change is the certainty of it staying the same

Sucking it, fighting it, swaying it out with no time to decide if the dream still lives

While oozing out and away these worries from my head, within all these aimless burdens

I ain’t drawn back, I am far from beaten, yet, and I am steady-handed for any procedure

Although I am growing ran down from my hands to my knees

There is no chance I am ever going to let them win

And I can pull together myself back from being so broken and obscene

This moaning heart is growing far too tired to believe that there’s any point left in striving

I’ve been trying so hard to shake these blues away and face ahead

Instead of saving scars, you better start to get on with that and play a rather mean guitar, today

Full of life, she is giving it a try

Out with her greatest smile hanging out her mouth’s side

She moves past her peers and marks future victims she’ll hawk

But seeks no insistence, she can’t resist the sweet talk

Misty eyes and tired lies, they cry

So quietly they launch delight

Need no request, she flies up against what may come

But takes off the time to sigh until her mind is made up

So predisposed for anything but leaving her bed

It is always a guess as to which side of the spectrum she’s at

One moment passes, then it all collapses, she turns

And goes off the deep end, freaks out without seeming concerned

No command over actions verdict has

In the time of being told to act

Midway she says it is better to head on back home

And so she does

Until the morning comes

Then she wakes up

Full of life, she is giving it a try

Hooked

Her body waves a certain something bizarre, I can’t explain

Dusk and empty stead we stand on, spreading color when she is in frame

Her spell has got me on the first feeling of shifting into her eyes and sultry shape

So I am in deep passion, for being fastened in a hitch, artifice I can’t escape

Flows alongside us a mass of mean, opaque hearts, censure and blame

Told our sapphic essence is wrong but je ne sais quoi binds us like paint

And I melt at every sight of her scissored labia smiling undercover when she’s with me

And all else we’d rather slight and keep from sinking into hate and repugnance

Swarming and saddling their taint and their discolor

Warning they’ll get us far away from each other

To which we tell them back to quit getting in in our lay

Let us be lovers our way

Here is where I belong

(She is the color of Venus)

Here is where I am complete

(She is the color of Venus)

Soon our fettered nature is going to sail the future and shine with grace

Mom, don’t be sad

I’ll get it right sometime, I promise

You’re going to be glad for me

Don’t regret the loss of yet another child, I think I will be back someday

It is going to be okay

Nobody let go of anybody

Even in the face of the fascism, our folded fists resists

Their star has been sprung out and now you’re the party that is getting run by the same boss as the one before that, ain’t him?

So, whose side are you on?

(If not your own side)

Hey, it’s going to be okay

(Someone else’s side)

It’s just another reaction, baby

And I think we might be just fine

Just as fine as we always have been

Learning like we always have learned

We’re going to rise above the fear

We’re going to strive beyond compare

And in the extreme academia, with their classes and their courts, where there are desperates and ideologs, who bargain lives for causes and advertise megalomania

Seek to silence any though against the tyrants, who blame the other side for all the hunger and don’t even care to be elsewhere

They think that the sides are there, when really they are in the abstract and arbitrary lines of who defines them

And it could be politics, but they feel that any distrust towards their ideals are going to be evil, too

They only mean good, and I get that, but all the while they’re saying

“Hey! We’re going to fuck this place

It’s just a matter of time now, baby

And I think you’ll be better hiding”

Best be ready for them

Mom, don’t be sad

I’ll get it right sometime, I promise

You’re going to be glad for me

Don’t break my bones

Don’t follow me home

Don’t swallow me whole

Cause I don’t mind you raising a hand

You casting a stone

Me throwing a beer can at you, I do

Ten bottles down

Six bottoms up

Too carried away to just let it all fade out like we’re used to doing

When I am looking for some real love

You text me all day and then leave me to hang myself to a wooden pole

You fuck with the same kind of sadism they have back in Salò

Cut off my tongue

Make me eat shit

You ready to play out your final intentions to scalp me and rape me when I’m looking for some real love

Real love, not any of that killing love

Real love

You say you’re mad, cause hazard has you on the back as a standard

Acquainted and forsook

Baby, your brain is stuck on making up a meaning and really believing it might be where you look

An unfading sadness that is crazy and attached, you’ve had enough

Don’t wake up

Don’t calm down

Filter the facts and about-face

Go for the next round bells

Step out and take over

Don’t wait out

Last time you checked, the atmosphere was heavy here and there was no time to rest

You’re right

Baby, it is always like this

But if you can’t feel alive, we rock and house until you rave our mind ‘til we find synesthesia when you’re so inclined to come up with a reason to do nothing

Yeah, it is easy

Don’t wake up

Don’t calm down

Make no mistake to be sane

Keep fetching a fucking lie

Step out and take over

Don’t wait out

I’m confused

Why couldn’t I hold myself from the abuse?

I should’ve let them win

I shouldn’t even have cared to begin with

I shouldn’t even pretend

I could’ve let them win

Back when I thought of it, nobody mentioned I could’ve let them win

I’m surprised

I should’ve known myself

I think I must’ve been somebody else

I wasn’t able to tell

Back when I caught up and noticed it happening

I should’ve let them win

I shouldn’t even have cared to begin with

I should’ve known myself

I should be able to tell, by now

(It’s not meant to be a stride)

Nobody notices I need some help

(It’s not meant to be)

I should’ve let them win

I should be able to tell

I’m confused

I should’ve known myself, by now

Nobody notices I need some help, that’s what gets me surprised. I’m confused

That pretty little devil left me like this

First time I felt so

Never seen much about the blues before

But I’ve done seen a lot of yellow

You add them two together, get some green

And I just couldn’t get enough of that goodie

Do you know what I’m saying?

It’s a goodie-good stuff

It can be too much but it is still never enough to feel good

Blue yellow stuff hiding everywhere

But, look at me, though, baby

I ain’t got none

Now, I can still remember when my daddy told me “son,

First concern of yours should be on how to buy freedom

This world is for the fighters, ain’t more damage done playing your plays if you think you can pay for them

But, here is where it gets tricky, because once you got to choose between saving up some of that old yellow-blues or your substance abuse, it is tough

It is very tough

It can be too much, but it is still, you know, a decision

It’s tough, blue yellow stuff, child

I wish I could lend you some of mine

But I ain’t got none”.

Take off has been authorized

And I’ve been waiting all day long for this flight

Now it seems to me like we’ve stalled on it, a bit

But it is better to be there later than to just sit still here

Despite delay, the engine is running

We’re slightly getting higher and yearning more

We’re crashing through the clouds and seeking out a possible extent of it all

And soon as we land on the coast, we can work out for a bit, work out for a bit

And soon as we plan to make last we can work out for a bit, work out for a bit

And soothing the turmoil is a long shot, maybe

But, ooh, baby, I’ve been trying it for so long

All that we can transcend works out for a bit, it works out

So work out. Come on baby, work it out with me

Misty view turning darker, yet again

And turbulence lifting us off the ground

Now, laying back has turned boring to you, hasn’t it?

Because with every misstep I take you get astounded

When disagreement starts stirring, steady wasn’t as diverting anymore for you

You like crashing through the clouds and bringing this airship to the ground

And soon as we land on the coast, we can work out for a bit, work out for a bit

And soon as we plan to make last we can work out for a bit, work out for a bit

And soothing the turmoil is a long shot, maybe

But, ooh, baby, I’ve been trying it for so long

All that we can transcend works out for a bit, it works out

So work out. Come on baby, work it out with me

(All controls are now impaired

Swiftly collapsing though the sky

Now that we’re falling down, I can detect that we have flown, oh, so, so high

Touchdown)

From all of the things that we said, your lips get red

And all of the stuff that you do knocking over my head

Sometimes I heard you lying there in the parts that you staged

Your lifestyle played itself under a window of dreams

And, boy, wouldn’t you like her near?

This time feels right to invite her around here

Under a window of dreams

And when the curtain is blinded, I know she knows me, but what do I know?

I’d call her over and ask for privacy, but all I can do is try to live my life

I wrote this tune and she turned the lights on and I woke up from the time that we spent broken and bent, again

And left for the while that she sent me a smile in bed, at night

Girl, you decided there

This time is alright to invite you around here

Cause if I don’t, I’ll die

I’ll tear my heart out and lose my mind, for a start

And the charm that you use to incite me will naturally rot and then fade, ‘til finally I’m free

Out of the window of dreams

Hey, I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to stay

I’m just wondering how I cannot feel so misplaced here

It’s been a year, and I am still a stranger today

I’ve gone and sacrificed half of all the time I had saved

I was riding high, now that joy of mine has been fading

Gone with every thought I can think

And I just fall apart on the worst way possible

I could focus on you but I don’t

Help yourself feel amused

That is just not how I play

I’ve gone and failed my friends and family once again

Hoped this day would end in a better fashion

But I don’t focus on you, so I’m fine

Help yourself feel alive

That is just not I how play

Every curse we overcame coincided

You and I hindered and refrained from ceasing until coming together in the Heaven we had in mind

And in that Heaven that we reached, where you received your angel wings

And increased an ennui that heaved me into leaving that pretended, feeble and faulty dream

Relegate your freedom wisely

Bear in mind it and bear every harm about it

Pay no heed, be satisfied in your passed away world I won’t live in

Woe is worth it, rather than wondering for life

Woe we fate to concede what we design

So I settled shut an end from our time together then and proceeded seeking out another conduct to commend to

And to say that status served shows you’ve so much left to learn

Now estranged you’ll single out the happenstance that you deserve

Warranting a chance to try, we discover what we like

Where we find it best, who we’re meant to be with

What’s left to turn? Which rights are left?

Don’t take my word for anything, baby, save yourself

Catch your faith in the right one, whatever your prophet is, I’m free from fate

And from your Gods and from your idols, who hold me as their scapegoat

To make God alrighteous, right? Well, then I am the Devil

Picture piles of gangs and rivals there, free from friends and attention

I arrived there late at 5am, pissed and sirened for recess and all the kids scattered for hide-and-seek

I was nine when I met that psycho

Every day was a disaster

Vicious type, had fun with violence

Carefree from any reprehension of from who’d heed the call

Always down for a brawl

Ten battles done (Hope is you might be unable to compromise)

We fought with great persistence

Ten battles more (Hope is you might be unable to fall down before him)

We caught up our new defences

Sneak attacks and beatings, shouting

“Corner him! Corner him! Get a chokehold on him!

Distract, deceive him, trap him!

Do what you need, defeat the bastard!

Tear him his heart

He is back up on his feet, his knees is trembling, nose is broken, eyes are bleeding, armor is shattered

Is there even a choice to behold?

Corner him! Corner him! Make a bitch out of him!

Tear him his armaments!”

And the certainty of a feint did rise in each and every time I thought I had won

Tearing his heart right to apologies

Begging me to start again, weaken the side I knew I had strong

Cornering, pushing out

No exit, no escape, no just agreement

Only tyranny, forced into oblivion

And the odds had been slightly impaired by their pirated pandering

And now the whole thing came aground

Most of us sought out to live alongside them

But never was forgotten all the days done

When everyone in the playground lost

Dove in endless piercing blues

Turning pink and yellow, too

Cause usually we like to paint time with any kind of brush we can lace our hands with

Though every other while may seem so dull

All is fine, all is great, all is cool

We don’t know quite what we do

We allow the ride to rule

Oh yeah, and we get up high, where all the sadness isn’t there

We can get by those wearing regular affairs

No feeling is rivaled, nobody telling us to bear

What to do, what to think, how to feel

We can’t let go

Our vice is heavier than our souls

Together is all much better than being alone

No new code of conduct keep making everything so beautiful and tipsy for the while we want to stay

Turned on, tuned in, dropped out

Far flung, fucked up, freaking out

But having fun

All other burdens set to stun

Right along, right until our drunkenness fades

And the light is shining blue

And the morning has gone mad far off-reach

And the night surrounding you

And the moment is gone and everyone leaves

And the lives we’re sunken to

And the more alone we’re left like, mocks me

And they might be right to excuse themselves

Really, what’s the use?

There’s nothing more that we would rather do

But it all comes round

It is fine by me, it really is

When the whole is weighing down on me, we leap into the breach and strengthen

Cause usually we like to betray time

And live on with the darkness tied to our chest

And that is all, who cares?

As long as we have someone to share our longings with

We can resist